Studying Sassy: March 91


Sassy March 91 ?Porque No Sombra Azul? No 36

I think they meant "Why not blue eye shadow?" And I concur. More on that later though....

Can we just enjoy this Benetton ad for a quick second?

This issue marks the third anniversary of Sassy. And it was the third issue I ever read. And! It's the third month of 1991/2016. Prime.

Apparently they had a party, and Jane Pratt (editor-in-chief) painted a daisy on her neck, and people were into wearing berets and blazers. But, still.... Check out how that Benetton ad is still peeking out coyly. Rad.

On one level, it is amazing how much things have changed in the last 25 years. On another, parts of this month read like a current periodical. See the column Body Talk for starters.

OTC yeast infection meds were a brand new thing!!! Holy crap! And tanning beds could give you warts?!?

But then, talk about white bread as bad news sounds pretty contemporary. As does the advice to quit smoking. Popping a blister, however, is advice I can't get behind. I've heard that it's best to cushion it and let your body reabsorb the liquid to make them heal faster. But don't ask me, I don't write a column. Just this blog.

Once again, What Now requires an eye exam and constant rotation. Frustratingly, so does:

This entire article.

You're welcome. This list of men is so fantastically all over the place. They range from Leonardo Da Vinci and Archbishop Desmond Tutu all the way to KRS-One, Peter Garrett (lead singer of Midnight Oil), and Holden Caulfield. Yes, fictional protagonist of The Catcher in the Rye HOLDEN CAULFIELD. Kind of takes something away from Martin Luther King Jr, if you know what I mean.

Also, good thing they chose wisely for What He Said.

I also find it difficult to shake a stick at Pauly Shore. Buddy.

Let's segue into some serious matters. The coverage of a rape on the University of Rhode Island campus was probably shocking and troublesome at the time. This brings me back to my earlier statement that some topics are still just as relevant now as they were then. Unfortunately.

Also, the feature of The Replacements, and how grossly underappreciated of a band they are, is also still relevant. At least to me. Heralded as the "pioneers of alternative rock," I had never heard of them. I googled them, and apparently they played their final show as a band, while closing a 3 year long reunion tour, in 2015. Rolling Stone wrote an article in 2014 about them called "The Greatest Band That Never Was." Eek.

"Hello, I'm Your Substitute Teacher" probably was less relatable in 1991 for me than it is now. I teach part-time, at a professional makeup artist training program, which is so not the same as subbing at a private high school. But.... I'm sure that, like in the case of the article, the students at both places have no idea how strange it can feel trying (and sometimes failing) to keep their attention. And how self conscious getting up in front of people can make you feel. And how hilarious it is when students think you're much younger than you are, and how hilarious it isn't when they speculate out loud about your personal life. I really think that teaching people is good for me in many ways (as an artist, particularly because it keeps me practicing the basics over and over), but as an introvert, it really kicks my butt sometimes.

Bouncing back into "unrelatable" territory, the fashion editorial about rompers could not be further away from what I was interested in wearing then, or now.

The quiz, "Are You a Techno Head?" I refused to take.

Question #7 is "Could you program a VCR to record "The Simpsons?" No. Because I no longer have a VCR. Or a TV. Or need to tape anything, because I can watch The Simpsons online. Whenever.

The music section has a new album by Debbie Gibson, and the bedroom makeover contest speaks for itself.

Obviously, super timeless. Also, Deborah's photo shoot totally matched the winning room.

Oh! And happily, the ad for weird pills that fix all the cosmetic problems with your body got smaller this month. (I think they heard me call them out last month. Or maybe the hypocricy caught up to them.)

Thankfully the ad for British Knights was just as large as it should be:

As was the always delighful Paul Mitchell.

Actually still great stuff, that Paul Mitchell. Seriously. I use it. And they aren't paying me to say so.

Alright. Enough stalling. I know why you're really reading. It's because the March issue is really about.... PROM.

Here's the plan. Because there is no other logical DIY for me this month, I will be getting myself gussied up, per the checklists and advice, as best I can with what I have access to in 2016. I will NOT be making a dress myself, a la Pretty in Pink, because that was the 80's. This is the early 90's. Totally different thing. Matt will take pictures to prove it all happened. And maybe I will give him a boutonniere and maybe we will go on a date and make out at the end. But at the very least I will dress up, and yes, why not blue eye shadow???? ;)

Check back soon for the results of the practical exam...... And here's hoping for a less intense April!


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